If you're looking around wondering “what can I do to save my marriage” then you're no doubt in a dire situation as your marriage has hit rocky ground.
Without a doubt there needs to be a period of reflection before you can launch into a plan to answer your search, “what can I do to save my marriage?” Failure to stop and think and map out a plan means that you might very well end up going down dead ends and around and around in circles. So reflect and get a plan.
If you haven't already done so, you should talk to your spouse. Find out what they think of the situation and if they believe there is anything worth saving of the marriage. With any luck you both agree that you both want to save your marriage and you decide to go forward together.
You are then faced with either trying to figure things out on your own, going for marriage counseling or searching online for one of the many ebooks that are available and that will answer your question “what can I do to save my marriage?”
If you opt for marriage counseling you should consider that this process can be long, expensive and you really have to be prepared to open yourself and your marriage up to an outside third party. Not only that, you have to be lucky enough to find a therapist who will gel with you and your spouse in order for the process to work really well.
You could both try to work things out between on your own and sometimes this can work really well. However, you should be aware that you do run the risk of making things worse because you might not be entirely sure what you're doing or how to go about it. Not only that, you and your spouse will naturally take your corners and hold onto positions that you have, whether they are right or they are wrong. It's human nature to protect yourself and that might not always be the right way for you to go forward to find ways “to save my marriage.”
The other alternative is to use one of the many ebooks that are online. This can really be a break through choice for a lot of couples because it usually involves going at your own pace, paying a one off fee and getting step by step practical guidance about how to really save the marriage.
Without a doubt it is always easier to have your spouse on side and the two of you rooting for the marriage, but choosing the right resource to save the union is also crucial!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
How You Can Save Marriage By Creating Intimacy
When your marriage hits rocky waters you must firmly believe that you can save marriage in order to save the marriage. If you don't believe that as fact, then there is nothing you do that will make a blind bit of difference. So right now, believe that it is possible for you to save the marriage.
A common missing ingredient for marriages in trouble is a lack of intimacy. For a marriage to be happy there must be a level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical and wholeheartedly embraces the emotional. Ask yourself this, “does my marriage suffer from a lack of intimacy?”
Are you open and transparent with your spouse? Do you share and include or do you exclude and keep your emotions and emotional needs locked away and try and deal with things on your own? If you exclude your spouse emotionally, then your marriage lacks intimacy and it's time to inject some and get on the road to save marriage.
Make sure that you're making every attempt to share your problems and worries with your spouse. Too often people find themselves worried and preoccupied with a situation. Instead of sharing this situation with their spouse, they decide to try and deal with it on their own. This is a big mistake because it excludes your spouse when you should be including them.
Remember, spouses can very easily sense when something is wrong and if you exclude them, they quickly begin to feel shut out and redundant and that's when hurt can quickly find its way into a marriage.
Another way to inject intimacy into your marriage so that you can save marriage is to make time for your marriage. In this day and age when a thousand and one things can encroach on your time, not making time for your marriage is a surefire way for a marriage to hit trouble. It's no fun discovering that when you were busy carving out a career or focusing your time on attending to the kids, that your marriage just shriveled up and died.
Make sure that if you want to save marriage that you're actively making time for your spouse and your marriage. Once in a while take an impromptu afternoon off and have some fun with your spouse. When your spouse realizes that you value them to the extent of changing your schedule to include them, you will begin to see an improved difference in your marriage.
Creating and fostering intimacy in your marriage so that you can save marriage will take time and is an ongoing process. Don't ever make the mistake of allowing your marriage to be left set on auto-pilot. A healthy and intimate marriage is one that is attended to regularly, only then will it thrive.
A common missing ingredient for marriages in trouble is a lack of intimacy. For a marriage to be happy there must be a level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical and wholeheartedly embraces the emotional. Ask yourself this, “does my marriage suffer from a lack of intimacy?”
Are you open and transparent with your spouse? Do you share and include or do you exclude and keep your emotions and emotional needs locked away and try and deal with things on your own? If you exclude your spouse emotionally, then your marriage lacks intimacy and it's time to inject some and get on the road to save marriage.
Make sure that you're making every attempt to share your problems and worries with your spouse. Too often people find themselves worried and preoccupied with a situation. Instead of sharing this situation with their spouse, they decide to try and deal with it on their own. This is a big mistake because it excludes your spouse when you should be including them.
Remember, spouses can very easily sense when something is wrong and if you exclude them, they quickly begin to feel shut out and redundant and that's when hurt can quickly find its way into a marriage.
Another way to inject intimacy into your marriage so that you can save marriage is to make time for your marriage. In this day and age when a thousand and one things can encroach on your time, not making time for your marriage is a surefire way for a marriage to hit trouble. It's no fun discovering that when you were busy carving out a career or focusing your time on attending to the kids, that your marriage just shriveled up and died.
Make sure that if you want to save marriage that you're actively making time for your spouse and your marriage. Once in a while take an impromptu afternoon off and have some fun with your spouse. When your spouse realizes that you value them to the extent of changing your schedule to include them, you will begin to see an improved difference in your marriage.
Creating and fostering intimacy in your marriage so that you can save marriage will take time and is an ongoing process. Don't ever make the mistake of allowing your marriage to be left set on auto-pilot. A healthy and intimate marriage is one that is attended to regularly, only then will it thrive.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling
Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce. But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor. Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road. Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.
Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.
If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.
If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse. Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling. Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so. Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.
Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But that’s not true. But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.
If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true. Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.
If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.
Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.
If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.
If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse. Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling. Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so. Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.
Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But that’s not true. But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.
If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true. Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.
If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christian Marriage Counseling Getting God Inspired Guidance
Christian marriage counseling is used by many couples striving to follow God's will and seek His guidance when the need for marriage counseling has come. When you marriage is struggling it is important for couples to get good advice from marriage counselors. If you are Christians then it very well may be that you need to get marriage counseling from someone coming from the same place.
The problems that you have in your marriage may be an inability to relate to each other for some reason. It could be due to more serious problems such as adultery, pornography, lying, or many other things. Whatever the reason, it is incredibly important that you seek a counselor to help you help the marriage.
The advice that you may get from secular marriage counselors may be good but also may not give you guidance that comes from God's word. There are many counseling choices available to you that can turn to before your marriage ends up in divorce. The best way for many to avoid that has been Christian marriage counseling.
Many churches now have marriage & family counselors on staff and may also have a counseling center. They are able to provide many types of counseling services but are of great help in family therapy and Christian marriage counseling. They will not just try and help you solve problems in your marriage but will be able to help make your marriage stronger and draw you closer to God.
A good Christian marriage counseling program will have a counselor that will draw you and your spouse back together and will help draw you closer to God, together. It will help you get your priorities back in line so that the two of you will be able to focus on things that are more important.
It is really important that you do not hesitate to find help if you are having problems. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to fix the problems. This is no time to be in denial. You need to get things back on track and Christian marriage counseling can help you accomplish that.
The hardest thing that you may have to face is trying to convince the one you love that getting counseling is important. It may be necessary to go and seek advice from a counselor on the best way to get your loved one to go in for counseling.
There is a lot to risk either way. There may be some things uncovered that will be uncomfortable to talk about but facing those issues and addressing them has to be done. You will also have to learn a lot of humility as you may find out that you are the source of some of the problems. You may also find out that there is very little that can be done to save the relationship but still you will have done everything you can to save it.
If your marriage is important to you and you are trying to have a Christian family, then finding a Christian marriage counseling program is of the utmost importance.
The problems that you have in your marriage may be an inability to relate to each other for some reason. It could be due to more serious problems such as adultery, pornography, lying, or many other things. Whatever the reason, it is incredibly important that you seek a counselor to help you help the marriage.
The advice that you may get from secular marriage counselors may be good but also may not give you guidance that comes from God's word. There are many counseling choices available to you that can turn to before your marriage ends up in divorce. The best way for many to avoid that has been Christian marriage counseling.
Many churches now have marriage & family counselors on staff and may also have a counseling center. They are able to provide many types of counseling services but are of great help in family therapy and Christian marriage counseling. They will not just try and help you solve problems in your marriage but will be able to help make your marriage stronger and draw you closer to God.
A good Christian marriage counseling program will have a counselor that will draw you and your spouse back together and will help draw you closer to God, together. It will help you get your priorities back in line so that the two of you will be able to focus on things that are more important.
It is really important that you do not hesitate to find help if you are having problems. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to fix the problems. This is no time to be in denial. You need to get things back on track and Christian marriage counseling can help you accomplish that.
The hardest thing that you may have to face is trying to convince the one you love that getting counseling is important. It may be necessary to go and seek advice from a counselor on the best way to get your loved one to go in for counseling.
There is a lot to risk either way. There may be some things uncovered that will be uncomfortable to talk about but facing those issues and addressing them has to be done. You will also have to learn a lot of humility as you may find out that you are the source of some of the problems. You may also find out that there is very little that can be done to save the relationship but still you will have done everything you can to save it.
If your marriage is important to you and you are trying to have a Christian family, then finding a Christian marriage counseling program is of the utmost importance.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
How To Save Marriage From Disaster
How to save marriage from failing after a disastrous and catastrophic event has taken place may seem like a hard thing to do, but it can be done. There are many times when something horrible has happened in the life of a couple that the stress ends up being too much to bear. These are times it is important to know how to save marriage.
The need to know how to save marriage can come as a result of something in the marriage or relationship falling apart as the two struggle to deal with what has happened. Many times it happens after the death of a loved one or especially a child. Sometimes it will happen after a wreck. Maybe it was because of some natural disaster or an act of hatred by some unknown entity. It could be because of illness to one of you or anything else that happened that caused your world to fall apart.
There are some very important things that are how to save marriage from ending you need to know. You need to understand that people act and react differently to events. The most obvious is the differences between how men and women typically deal with things. Some people repress feelings while others are more outward and more obvious in their grieving. Understanding this and accepting it will help go a long way in knowing how to save marriage. Don't expect your loved one to react the same way that you do.
Another thing that you need to know is that grief many times rings out the worse in people and negative traits are often exaggerated. Patience is needed in understanding why some very negative changes take place in their personalities. You have to be able to see those changes taking place in yourself. Don't excuse the behavior and don't let harmful behaviors ruin things more but understand what is happening.
In both of the above marriage counseling is needed. Marriage counselors will usually be very adept at helping couples struggling through these times. Whether it is a Christian marriage or any other, there are places and people you can go to that will help you and the one you love get through this.
Here are some suggestions for other things that will help you get through this time:
~ Commit to each other that you are going to get through this together. Be a team fully supporting each other and understanding each other. When one is particularly weak at one point, be thereFind for them and help shoulder the load. Ask that the same be done for you.
~ Grow your support team. Find close friends and family that will help you through this. There is no reason that the two of you should go through this around. Find a network or a group of people who have gone through similar things. There is strength in numbers.
~ Find a reason to laugh again. Watch a silly sitcom on TV or some stupid funny movie. Watch one of those funny home movie shows for some good laughs. Spend time with fun loving people who you have a good time with Laughing will make you feel better and gives you a break from the weight you carry.
When you have suffered greatly, it doesn't mean that the marriage has to come to an end. It can be made stronger if you are serious about finding how to save marriage.
The need to know how to save marriage can come as a result of something in the marriage or relationship falling apart as the two struggle to deal with what has happened. Many times it happens after the death of a loved one or especially a child. Sometimes it will happen after a wreck. Maybe it was because of some natural disaster or an act of hatred by some unknown entity. It could be because of illness to one of you or anything else that happened that caused your world to fall apart.
There are some very important things that are how to save marriage from ending you need to know. You need to understand that people act and react differently to events. The most obvious is the differences between how men and women typically deal with things. Some people repress feelings while others are more outward and more obvious in their grieving. Understanding this and accepting it will help go a long way in knowing how to save marriage. Don't expect your loved one to react the same way that you do.
Another thing that you need to know is that grief many times rings out the worse in people and negative traits are often exaggerated. Patience is needed in understanding why some very negative changes take place in their personalities. You have to be able to see those changes taking place in yourself. Don't excuse the behavior and don't let harmful behaviors ruin things more but understand what is happening.
In both of the above marriage counseling is needed. Marriage counselors will usually be very adept at helping couples struggling through these times. Whether it is a Christian marriage or any other, there are places and people you can go to that will help you and the one you love get through this.
Here are some suggestions for other things that will help you get through this time:
~ Commit to each other that you are going to get through this together. Be a team fully supporting each other and understanding each other. When one is particularly weak at one point, be thereFind for them and help shoulder the load. Ask that the same be done for you.
~ Grow your support team. Find close friends and family that will help you through this. There is no reason that the two of you should go through this around. Find a network or a group of people who have gone through similar things. There is strength in numbers.
~ Find a reason to laugh again. Watch a silly sitcom on TV or some stupid funny movie. Watch one of those funny home movie shows for some good laughs. Spend time with fun loving people who you have a good time with Laughing will make you feel better and gives you a break from the weight you carry.
When you have suffered greatly, it doesn't mean that the marriage has to come to an end. It can be made stronger if you are serious about finding how to save marriage.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Unhappy Relationship 3 Things You Can Do About It
Unhappy relationships are an inevitable part of romance, and their causes are numerous. Sometimes, a commitment is made and that once made, it can be hard to leave an unhappy situation. You may feel that you have to stay in order to support your loved ones, that you are unable to leave for any number of reasons. You find that you are making a number of excuses to stay in a situation that is not good for you.
If you are facing an unhappy relationship, then there are three things you need to do. Firstly, you can do nothing and maintain things just as they are. You will continue on your path of misery, those around you will become miserable, and you will continue along this path until you are in the worst of situations. So why does this situation occur? It is the simplest thing to do. It is easy to not do anything about the situation, and very hard to turn a bad partnership or unhappy relationship around. While it may seem noble, it is a bad decision to try and stay.
Out of the three, the other option which involves staying in the relationship is to fix things. This step requires a full commitment, anything less is as bad, if not worse, than trying to stick things out. This step requires that your partner is also committed in full to repair of the situation. This is the most challenging of the situations, but can lead to the best situation. Any changes made here will be lasting and permanent. If your partner is not committed towards the repair of the unhappy relationship, then all attempts to repair things will fail.
The last possibility is to leave. This is also very hard since people will make excuses in order to stay. Sometimes, however, it is a matter of ending the relationship before things become irreparable. Unhappiness, fighting, depression, and many other factors eventually come out of an unhappy relationship. This will not only bring you and your loved ones great suffering, but it will also negatively affect those around you are well. You have to overcome everything that is holding you back and take that first step towards resolving the matter.
If you need one, you should seek out the aide from a therapist or a coach. Mental hindrances in an unhappy relationship can be taken care of with the help of a therapist. If you need to work strategies for repairing your situation, then you should instead get a coach, someone who will work with you to develop strategies and get the success you need.
An unhappy relationship will mean one of three possibilities. You will either stay or suffer, you will repair things with your ex, or you will move out and move on. Therapists and coaches provide technical support while your family and friends will provide you with the support network you need when you make. All it takes is an effort to do what is right for you and your loved ones.
If you are facing an unhappy relationship, then there are three things you need to do. Firstly, you can do nothing and maintain things just as they are. You will continue on your path of misery, those around you will become miserable, and you will continue along this path until you are in the worst of situations. So why does this situation occur? It is the simplest thing to do. It is easy to not do anything about the situation, and very hard to turn a bad partnership or unhappy relationship around. While it may seem noble, it is a bad decision to try and stay.
Out of the three, the other option which involves staying in the relationship is to fix things. This step requires a full commitment, anything less is as bad, if not worse, than trying to stick things out. This step requires that your partner is also committed in full to repair of the situation. This is the most challenging of the situations, but can lead to the best situation. Any changes made here will be lasting and permanent. If your partner is not committed towards the repair of the unhappy relationship, then all attempts to repair things will fail.
The last possibility is to leave. This is also very hard since people will make excuses in order to stay. Sometimes, however, it is a matter of ending the relationship before things become irreparable. Unhappiness, fighting, depression, and many other factors eventually come out of an unhappy relationship. This will not only bring you and your loved ones great suffering, but it will also negatively affect those around you are well. You have to overcome everything that is holding you back and take that first step towards resolving the matter.
If you need one, you should seek out the aide from a therapist or a coach. Mental hindrances in an unhappy relationship can be taken care of with the help of a therapist. If you need to work strategies for repairing your situation, then you should instead get a coach, someone who will work with you to develop strategies and get the success you need.
An unhappy relationship will mean one of three possibilities. You will either stay or suffer, you will repair things with your ex, or you will move out and move on. Therapists and coaches provide technical support while your family and friends will provide you with the support network you need when you make. All it takes is an effort to do what is right for you and your loved ones.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Understanding Your Troubled Relationship-Can Save It
You are in a relationship and you are finding things quite confusing. You could be feeling like the relationship has run its course, or that you are not being honest with your self. You are merely pretending to be happy, or maybe you are afraid over what the next step will be. These signs of a troubled relationship can plague the person and put strain on a possibly damaged relationship. One of the more common feelings is guilt over lying and hiding ones true feelings over the relationship and its status. There was a great deal of love in the relationship, but now there are a lot of mixed feelings and factors that are contributing to the mixed feelings that one is feeling.
When you have begun to consider your troubled relationship, it is important to brainstorm what sort of things that you want and what you do not want in your relationship. The latter can include not wanting to be cheated on, abused, and ignored and so on. When it comes to items that you want to have happen, these can include wanting to grow and develop emotionally. One can want for excitement and romance in the relationship. Sometimes one wants intellectual and spiritual stimulation, including discussions and attending outside meetings and events.
Once you have a list of your wants and desires, you need to go through them and identify those which you truly want and do not want. You need to figure out what sort of situation you are in and whether or not it will continue on its track. Observe your partner and try and figure out if they are capable of growth and doing their part to help turn your troubled relationship around. They need to be able to contribute to the repair of the relationship and move it forward.
If things are truly bad, then you need to step back and see things with a clear head. This may simply involve separating temporarily, so that you and your partner can take the time alone to evaluate the situation without distraction. Without having to live together and deal with all of the stresses of being together, both of you will have a clearer head which will provide the basis for a true evaluation of the situation.
What you may find is that the relationship is such that you two cannot be together and that you need to end the relationship. Some relationships are not meant to be, and that should not discourage you. There will be someone for you. If you do find that you and your significant other are capable of making things work in your troubled relationship, then make sure that you and your partner are open and communicative. Without communication, it will be more difficult.
A troubled relationship does not necessarily mean that the end is near. What it does mean is that you and your partner need to take the steps to work things out and move the relationship forward, whether that is towards its end or continuation.
When you have begun to consider your troubled relationship, it is important to brainstorm what sort of things that you want and what you do not want in your relationship. The latter can include not wanting to be cheated on, abused, and ignored and so on. When it comes to items that you want to have happen, these can include wanting to grow and develop emotionally. One can want for excitement and romance in the relationship. Sometimes one wants intellectual and spiritual stimulation, including discussions and attending outside meetings and events.
Once you have a list of your wants and desires, you need to go through them and identify those which you truly want and do not want. You need to figure out what sort of situation you are in and whether or not it will continue on its track. Observe your partner and try and figure out if they are capable of growth and doing their part to help turn your troubled relationship around. They need to be able to contribute to the repair of the relationship and move it forward.
If things are truly bad, then you need to step back and see things with a clear head. This may simply involve separating temporarily, so that you and your partner can take the time alone to evaluate the situation without distraction. Without having to live together and deal with all of the stresses of being together, both of you will have a clearer head which will provide the basis for a true evaluation of the situation.
What you may find is that the relationship is such that you two cannot be together and that you need to end the relationship. Some relationships are not meant to be, and that should not discourage you. There will be someone for you. If you do find that you and your significant other are capable of making things work in your troubled relationship, then make sure that you and your partner are open and communicative. Without communication, it will be more difficult.
A troubled relationship does not necessarily mean that the end is near. What it does mean is that you and your partner need to take the steps to work things out and move the relationship forward, whether that is towards its end or continuation.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Healing Yourself and Your Relationship Self Help Tips
Relationships are supposed to be able to bring out the best in us but many times it is the root for needing self help advice. Most self esteem issues are directly tied to relationships we are in. It doesn't matter if you are dating or in a marriage or just in love, it can either make us feel better or worse about ourselves. We strive to find the one who will love us and make us feel like we are on top of the world, unfortunately that doesn't always happen.
One thing that many will try to do is find out if the reason for your difficulties in your relationships is because of the problems between the two of you or is it because of problems that originated early on in either your life or the other persons life. It can be exhausting trying to find the original root of the matter but one thing is obvious, you have problems now.
The best thing to do is to try and fix the relationship that you are in now so that you and your spouse or partner can help overcome each other challenges. You may be interested in reading self help books and utilize different self help techniques. If your relationship is strong, though, there will be no more need to concentrate on healing yourself because you will have a partner to help you overcome. First, though, you need to work on building the relationship. Seek out some good marriage counselors or others who can give good relationship advice.
One thing that is going to help is to never allow yourself to be criticized, or at least don't internalize it. Also make sure you don't criticize the one you love. There is no such thing as constructive criticism. There is nothing constructive about it. All it does is make one feel less powerful than the other and it is used to manipulate much in the same way an abuser does. A relationship is not a power struggle and it is not a war. Quit treating it like that and there won't be any fights to win or lose.
There are some more things that you can do to help your relationship. Where you are separated by beliefs, try talking it out and instead of pointing out where each other is wrong or where their weaknesses are try to find common ground. Take time to discuss what each other's roles are in the relationship. Also discuss what you expect of the other. Let your partner know what hurts but also let them know what it is you want or need them to do and try to offer the same to them.
Whether you are dating or involved in a marriage there are many things that you can do to help better the situation. Once the two of you have worked to repair the relationship and put away any talks of divorce, separation, or just breaking up, the two of you can work together to make each other better people. Your relationship will help you help yourself image and will help you overcome all those things that hold you back.
One thing that many will try to do is find out if the reason for your difficulties in your relationships is because of the problems between the two of you or is it because of problems that originated early on in either your life or the other persons life. It can be exhausting trying to find the original root of the matter but one thing is obvious, you have problems now.
The best thing to do is to try and fix the relationship that you are in now so that you and your spouse or partner can help overcome each other challenges. You may be interested in reading self help books and utilize different self help techniques. If your relationship is strong, though, there will be no more need to concentrate on healing yourself because you will have a partner to help you overcome. First, though, you need to work on building the relationship. Seek out some good marriage counselors or others who can give good relationship advice.
One thing that is going to help is to never allow yourself to be criticized, or at least don't internalize it. Also make sure you don't criticize the one you love. There is no such thing as constructive criticism. There is nothing constructive about it. All it does is make one feel less powerful than the other and it is used to manipulate much in the same way an abuser does. A relationship is not a power struggle and it is not a war. Quit treating it like that and there won't be any fights to win or lose.
There are some more things that you can do to help your relationship. Where you are separated by beliefs, try talking it out and instead of pointing out where each other is wrong or where their weaknesses are try to find common ground. Take time to discuss what each other's roles are in the relationship. Also discuss what you expect of the other. Let your partner know what hurts but also let them know what it is you want or need them to do and try to offer the same to them.
Whether you are dating or involved in a marriage there are many things that you can do to help better the situation. Once the two of you have worked to repair the relationship and put away any talks of divorce, separation, or just breaking up, the two of you can work together to make each other better people. Your relationship will help you help yourself image and will help you overcome all those things that hold you back.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Relationship Rescue Work To Save Your Relationship
If you are wanting to keep a marriage or relationship afloat and aren't willing to give up on it then you may need some relationship rescue. There are many books about it and lots of advice given from friends and counselors. There are marriage therapists to go to for counseling but most everyone will end up saying the same things and will not give you sound advice to take action on.
The best things that you can do in any relationship rescue is to aim at being honest and accept one another. Doing both of these may be difficult if you aren't willing to accept the fact that much of the blame in the difficulties of the relationship is shared. Own up to your own flaws and accept that there may be some truth to the complaints that your significant other has of you. If you want the other party in your relationship to change things you must realize there are probably things that you need to change as well. If you want them to keep an open mind about things that you wish for them to work on then you must do the same.
True love will require compromise many times. You must be able to bend your will and give up some things to make the relationship work. If there is going to be a relationship rescue taking place. Both parties need to take a hard look at themselves and see what things they need to give up and work on to be more compatible.
The largest part of any relationship rescue is to change your perspective. For many people perception is a reality, but it may be a false reality. Something may seem like the worst situation in the world but then, after a change in perspective, it may not seem all that bad at all. People have a way of blowing things out of proportion. In relationships this is especially true. Quite a bit of marriage counseling deals with this bit of relationship management. Look closely at the situations from different angles. Your spouse/partner may seem like they work too much but could it be worse? Yes, they could be hopelessly unemployed and struggling to find work or, worse yet, a bum. Also ask why certain things are being done instead of jumping to conclusions.
Talk through things and when things are settled, drop them and move on. Much of the problems that relationships face is due to the fact that there is someone in the relationship, or maybe both in the relationship, who hold on to grudges. Don't let that happen. If there were things that happened in the past that have been dealt with, then let them go. When you do have discussions or arguments don't bring up the past. Deal with the present. Don't don't fight battles more than once.
If you are truly willing to see your relationships rescue, these ideas will help you and the one you love breath new life into your relationship
The best things that you can do in any relationship rescue is to aim at being honest and accept one another. Doing both of these may be difficult if you aren't willing to accept the fact that much of the blame in the difficulties of the relationship is shared. Own up to your own flaws and accept that there may be some truth to the complaints that your significant other has of you. If you want the other party in your relationship to change things you must realize there are probably things that you need to change as well. If you want them to keep an open mind about things that you wish for them to work on then you must do the same.
True love will require compromise many times. You must be able to bend your will and give up some things to make the relationship work. If there is going to be a relationship rescue taking place. Both parties need to take a hard look at themselves and see what things they need to give up and work on to be more compatible.
The largest part of any relationship rescue is to change your perspective. For many people perception is a reality, but it may be a false reality. Something may seem like the worst situation in the world but then, after a change in perspective, it may not seem all that bad at all. People have a way of blowing things out of proportion. In relationships this is especially true. Quite a bit of marriage counseling deals with this bit of relationship management. Look closely at the situations from different angles. Your spouse/partner may seem like they work too much but could it be worse? Yes, they could be hopelessly unemployed and struggling to find work or, worse yet, a bum. Also ask why certain things are being done instead of jumping to conclusions.
Talk through things and when things are settled, drop them and move on. Much of the problems that relationships face is due to the fact that there is someone in the relationship, or maybe both in the relationship, who hold on to grudges. Don't let that happen. If there were things that happened in the past that have been dealt with, then let them go. When you do have discussions or arguments don't bring up the past. Deal with the present. Don't don't fight battles more than once.
If you are truly willing to see your relationships rescue, these ideas will help you and the one you love breath new life into your relationship
Friday, December 18, 2009
Broken Trust How To Stop A Divorce
There are many who want to know how to stop a divorce and there are many answers. Not all of them may apply. People get divorced for many reasons. One of the most common has to do with broken trust.
If the reason that you are in the situation where your spouse is because you have been unfaithful there are things that you should and shouldn't do to help. If there is something that you did that isthe problem, don't tell them that you can change or try to talk them into believing it, make the change. If you seriously want to know how to stop a divorce start with accepting responsibility.
Actions speak louder than words. If it is something that is a matter of trust that you have hurt, don'tdo it again. In fact don't do anything that will give your spouse any reason to question your faithfulness. If you want the to love you and trust you, you have to prove that you are worthy of trust again. It will take time and hopefully you have not burned them so much that they will never trust you. If you have broken trust, the truth is you don't deserve to be trusted.
It is the efforts to be faithful that will assure them that you are changing. Don't deny that you have betrayed their trust and don't try to justify it. Don't get mad because they don't trust you and don't argue about it. If you messed up, own up and take responsibility.
There may be situations where the one you love has been guilty of breaking trust and has been guilty of infidelity. Think of how you would want them to give you another chance. If you feel that you would be it very well may be that they deserve one as well. Put yourself in their shoes and treat them the way you would want to be treated. Try to understand why this happened. It very well may be that it can be resolved. Many times, however, it can not be.
Ask how to stop a divorce by going to friends who have been in your shoes and been through a divorce or from other sources where they have been trained in how to deal with these situations. If your relationship is important at all, it is well worth trying to find help before breaking up is the only option. Try to find the best relationship advice you can.
Be ready for depression to come because of what the two of you are going through. It isn't easy to deal with this and you may need some kind of therapy to help you cope and understand what is happening. Love relationships can be great but they can also bring a great deal of stress when there is broken trust involved. If you want to know how to stop a divorce, seek as much help as possible. You don't have to do it alone.
If the reason that you are in the situation where your spouse is because you have been unfaithful there are things that you should and shouldn't do to help. If there is something that you did that isthe problem, don't tell them that you can change or try to talk them into believing it, make the change. If you seriously want to know how to stop a divorce start with accepting responsibility.
Actions speak louder than words. If it is something that is a matter of trust that you have hurt, don'tdo it again. In fact don't do anything that will give your spouse any reason to question your faithfulness. If you want the to love you and trust you, you have to prove that you are worthy of trust again. It will take time and hopefully you have not burned them so much that they will never trust you. If you have broken trust, the truth is you don't deserve to be trusted.
It is the efforts to be faithful that will assure them that you are changing. Don't deny that you have betrayed their trust and don't try to justify it. Don't get mad because they don't trust you and don't argue about it. If you messed up, own up and take responsibility.
There may be situations where the one you love has been guilty of breaking trust and has been guilty of infidelity. Think of how you would want them to give you another chance. If you feel that you would be it very well may be that they deserve one as well. Put yourself in their shoes and treat them the way you would want to be treated. Try to understand why this happened. It very well may be that it can be resolved. Many times, however, it can not be.
Ask how to stop a divorce by going to friends who have been in your shoes and been through a divorce or from other sources where they have been trained in how to deal with these situations. If your relationship is important at all, it is well worth trying to find help before breaking up is the only option. Try to find the best relationship advice you can.
Be ready for depression to come because of what the two of you are going through. It isn't easy to deal with this and you may need some kind of therapy to help you cope and understand what is happening. Love relationships can be great but they can also bring a great deal of stress when there is broken trust involved. If you want to know how to stop a divorce, seek as much help as possible. You don't have to do it alone.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Doctor Phil Relationship Remedy Relationship Rescue Review
With Relationship Rescue, Philip McGraw has done a great amount of work to try and help people put their lives back together after things have fallen apart. This is no different from anything else that he has done on television with his show that brings in people who are in the middle of family crisis. If there are problems that people are having, he will help them find a way to sole it themselves.
While it might be better to have Dr. Phil right there with you to help you figure things out, his book, Relationship rescue, provides the next best thing. While it is always recommended to go seek counseling, it may not always be feasible. What makes many efforts to save relationships fail is that there is no action taken. Dr. Phil insists that if your relationship is to be saved, then both parties must work to save it. Any marriage counseling or relationship advice that anyone will give you will let you know that work is involved.
Phil McGraw's book gives people instructions that are very helpful but can be difficult because he challenges both parties in the love relationship to look inwardly and own up to their problems and work to fix them. He tells them that they need to work as hard to fix themselves as they expect their partner or spouse to work on theirs. Relationship Rescue says that even if you think that your significant other is the root of all the problems you must scrutinize yourself.
In Relationship Rescue, Dr. Phil asks readers to perform an self analysis regarding their feelings about the relationship. There are lists of questions that are categorized by topics like, "Relationship Health Profile," "Personal Concepts Profile," "The Relationship Behavior Profile: Your Partner," "The Relationship Behavior Profile: You." Just looking at those headings you know that it is going to require some serious work and thinking that will be well worth it once you see an improvement in not only your perceptions of the relationship, but in the relationship itself.
Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue also encourages people to change their perspective of the relationship form a negative one to a positive one. Most people make things out to be worse than they are. Changing one's viewpoint of the other in the love relationship may help them see that the problems may be as bad as first thought.
Dr. Phil, as always, gives common sense relationship advice that requires some hard thinking and some hard work. There are millions of people who have taken his advice that he gives in this book and seen dramatic improvements in their lives. If you don't have the patience or the time to read his Relationship Rescue book, there is an abridged audiobook available that makes the information easy to understand but also helps in that you get to listen to his sound advice in his own voice.
While it might be better to have Dr. Phil right there with you to help you figure things out, his book, Relationship rescue, provides the next best thing. While it is always recommended to go seek counseling, it may not always be feasible. What makes many efforts to save relationships fail is that there is no action taken. Dr. Phil insists that if your relationship is to be saved, then both parties must work to save it. Any marriage counseling or relationship advice that anyone will give you will let you know that work is involved.
Phil McGraw's book gives people instructions that are very helpful but can be difficult because he challenges both parties in the love relationship to look inwardly and own up to their problems and work to fix them. He tells them that they need to work as hard to fix themselves as they expect their partner or spouse to work on theirs. Relationship Rescue says that even if you think that your significant other is the root of all the problems you must scrutinize yourself.
In Relationship Rescue, Dr. Phil asks readers to perform an self analysis regarding their feelings about the relationship. There are lists of questions that are categorized by topics like, "Relationship Health Profile," "Personal Concepts Profile," "The Relationship Behavior Profile: Your Partner," "The Relationship Behavior Profile: You." Just looking at those headings you know that it is going to require some serious work and thinking that will be well worth it once you see an improvement in not only your perceptions of the relationship, but in the relationship itself.
Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue also encourages people to change their perspective of the relationship form a negative one to a positive one. Most people make things out to be worse than they are. Changing one's viewpoint of the other in the love relationship may help them see that the problems may be as bad as first thought.
Dr. Phil, as always, gives common sense relationship advice that requires some hard thinking and some hard work. There are millions of people who have taken his advice that he gives in this book and seen dramatic improvements in their lives. If you don't have the patience or the time to read his Relationship Rescue book, there is an abridged audiobook available that makes the information easy to understand but also helps in that you get to listen to his sound advice in his own voice.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I Lost Love – Every Relationship Has a Time Line
When I think about how I lost love, I think about Alfred Lord Tennyson’s quote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” When I lost love, I felt the whole world had collapsed around me. I’m sharing my story in order to help you if you too have lost the love of your life.
I think it is important to remember that every relationship has a natural lifespan. In Junior High, that’s about four days. As we get older, the lifespan increases. But, there are certain relationships that are right for a period of time and then go awry. Most of us will only have one great love in our lives. The other relationships will terminate. That’s why when I say I lost love, I understand that this is a natural process.
In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship. Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment. As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.
But there is something significant about having separate places. I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level. I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.
Now, I know I handled the situation badly. I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand. Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me. I lost love over the events of one night.
But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment. I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in. I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.
I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex. But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate. Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time. I loved her. I still love her. But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.
I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong. I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things. Sure, I understood that I had hurt her. But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.
I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were. But, every relationship has to grow or die. Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die. In every relationship, there is a time to die. And, for me, this was it. That’s how I lost love.
I think it is important to remember that every relationship has a natural lifespan. In Junior High, that’s about four days. As we get older, the lifespan increases. But, there are certain relationships that are right for a period of time and then go awry. Most of us will only have one great love in our lives. The other relationships will terminate. That’s why when I say I lost love, I understand that this is a natural process.
In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship. Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment. As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.
But there is something significant about having separate places. I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level. I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.
Now, I know I handled the situation badly. I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand. Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me. I lost love over the events of one night.
But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment. I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in. I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.
I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex. But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate. Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time. I loved her. I still love her. But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.
I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong. I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things. Sure, I understood that I had hurt her. But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.
I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were. But, every relationship has to grow or die. Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die. In every relationship, there is a time to die. And, for me, this was it. That’s how I lost love.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Can I Save My Marriage – Its Up To You
It is depressing to see many marriages that are in turmoil, and it is especially disconcerting to see them end up as messy divorces, so you may ask how can I save my marriage? Filing for divorce is not the solution for when a marriage has hit its pushing limits. There are a number of solutions that require that both partners to be fully committed in saving the relationship that they have. The first step is counseling, which enables the couple to have a mediator in dealing with their issues.
In addition to professional services, there are a number of different things that can be done to save a marriage, it is not a complicated process and does not require much outside of both parties working towards the common goal. Below are four things that you can take to heart and utilize to "save my marriage" and improve the odds of successfully avoiding divorce.
First, know that the perfect marriage is a myth. Whenever two people are brought together, there will be problems, including the few that can grow into deal breakers in your marriage. This is a natural result of bringing two people together. Even perfect twins differ in likes and dislikes. For the marriage to succeed, the couple must learn to deal with the rough patches and overcome their problems. Seeking perfection will only destroy everything. People make mistakes, work with your partner and overcome the problems you face, and you'll realize it is possible to "save my marriage."
Second, good communication is vital, for when the communication is insufficient; the marriage is doomed to face problems. The most vital thing is to be honest with your partner. Just about every issue and problem can be solved if communication is maintained. The third tip is to accept compromise. Many have made this an art, with good reason. The middle ground that will enable a conclusion to the conflict has to mesh with both parties and their interests before it can "save my marriage." Marriage on a whole is about compromise and knowing that there are times when your spouse will have to give and times when you have to give in order to "save my marriage."
Really, a marriage is about commitment, the fourth tip. Like a car, if it breaks down, you don't abandon the car on the side of the road. The only time you do get rid of the car is when there is no hope. Saving your marriage involves the same level of commitment and working towards making things work, if you ever have a chance to "save my marriage."
Sometimes, the damage to the marriage totals it, and no matter what you do, nothing can change it. Some issues cannot be solved, counseling cannot help. It is in these cases that divorce makes sense. Out side of these cases, divorce is not the answer. Instead, you should work with your partner to solve the issues that plague your marriage, and hopefully you will be able to say that you can "save my marriage."
In addition to professional services, there are a number of different things that can be done to save a marriage, it is not a complicated process and does not require much outside of both parties working towards the common goal. Below are four things that you can take to heart and utilize to "save my marriage" and improve the odds of successfully avoiding divorce.
First, know that the perfect marriage is a myth. Whenever two people are brought together, there will be problems, including the few that can grow into deal breakers in your marriage. This is a natural result of bringing two people together. Even perfect twins differ in likes and dislikes. For the marriage to succeed, the couple must learn to deal with the rough patches and overcome their problems. Seeking perfection will only destroy everything. People make mistakes, work with your partner and overcome the problems you face, and you'll realize it is possible to "save my marriage."
Second, good communication is vital, for when the communication is insufficient; the marriage is doomed to face problems. The most vital thing is to be honest with your partner. Just about every issue and problem can be solved if communication is maintained. The third tip is to accept compromise. Many have made this an art, with good reason. The middle ground that will enable a conclusion to the conflict has to mesh with both parties and their interests before it can "save my marriage." Marriage on a whole is about compromise and knowing that there are times when your spouse will have to give and times when you have to give in order to "save my marriage."
Really, a marriage is about commitment, the fourth tip. Like a car, if it breaks down, you don't abandon the car on the side of the road. The only time you do get rid of the car is when there is no hope. Saving your marriage involves the same level of commitment and working towards making things work, if you ever have a chance to "save my marriage."
Sometimes, the damage to the marriage totals it, and no matter what you do, nothing can change it. Some issues cannot be solved, counseling cannot help. It is in these cases that divorce makes sense. Out side of these cases, divorce is not the answer. Instead, you should work with your partner to solve the issues that plague your marriage, and hopefully you will be able to say that you can "save my marriage."
Monday, December 14, 2009
Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry
“Help save marriage from falling apart!” comes the cry from many who see their marriage sinking quickly. You have been watching the ship you are on sinking but haven't figured out what to do to stop it. If you aren't ready to see your marriage sink into the abyss, you need help save marriage advice. You need an S.O.S. You need to learn to sacrifice for your marriage, you have to learn to open up and communicate, and you have to learn to simplify your lives so things aren't so complicated.
Sacrifice:
Many times those who are wanting help save marriage are really more interested in trying to get the other person to fix their problems. If you are looking at the other person as the root of the problem, take a close look at yourself. It may very well be that the other person is causing all the problems but you need to make sure that you aren't making matters worse.
Most of the time marriages fall apart because one or both of the people start getting selfish and feel that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that is your perspective, the marriage is doomed. The two of you are supposed to be as one and this can not be if you are only looking out for #1. You have to be able to sacrifice parts of yourself for the existence of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to sacrifice yourself. The choice is simple, live as one or live as two people.
Open Up:
There is a tendency that many people have to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn't healthy for any individual and it especially isn't healthy for a marriage. When contents are under pressure for too long and that pressure grows, things are likely going to build up too much. When thing build up too much they may reach the point that there is an explosion.
There may have been firecrackers going off when the two of you first kissed. It is nothing like the Nuclear Bomb that could go off when you have let things stay bottled up for two long in a marriage. The longer you wait to bring resolution or to communicate problems, the bigger the explosion will be. You need to open up a bit to take off the pressure and help save marriage.
Simplify:
We have a tendency to make things a lot more complicated than what they need to be. We make big issues out of little ones and mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they need to be.
Consider what it is that you really need to have in a mate. What is it you really need to exist. Try and simplify it as much as possible. Stop looking at all the details and try to find the root of the problems.
Are you making too many demands? Are you being too picky about how you think things should be? Are you expecting too much?
Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be. Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.
Sacrifice:
Many times those who are wanting help save marriage are really more interested in trying to get the other person to fix their problems. If you are looking at the other person as the root of the problem, take a close look at yourself. It may very well be that the other person is causing all the problems but you need to make sure that you aren't making matters worse.
Most of the time marriages fall apart because one or both of the people start getting selfish and feel that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that is your perspective, the marriage is doomed. The two of you are supposed to be as one and this can not be if you are only looking out for #1. You have to be able to sacrifice parts of yourself for the existence of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to sacrifice yourself. The choice is simple, live as one or live as two people.
Open Up:
There is a tendency that many people have to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn't healthy for any individual and it especially isn't healthy for a marriage. When contents are under pressure for too long and that pressure grows, things are likely going to build up too much. When thing build up too much they may reach the point that there is an explosion.
There may have been firecrackers going off when the two of you first kissed. It is nothing like the Nuclear Bomb that could go off when you have let things stay bottled up for two long in a marriage. The longer you wait to bring resolution or to communicate problems, the bigger the explosion will be. You need to open up a bit to take off the pressure and help save marriage.
Simplify:
We have a tendency to make things a lot more complicated than what they need to be. We make big issues out of little ones and mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they need to be.
Consider what it is that you really need to have in a mate. What is it you really need to exist. Try and simplify it as much as possible. Stop looking at all the details and try to find the root of the problems.
Are you making too many demands? Are you being too picky about how you think things should be? Are you expecting too much?
Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be. Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
PULL It Together - Help Save Marriage
Those who want help save marriage from ending in divorce need to PULL it together. It is a hard thing to watch a marriage that was once so precious and important fall apart. It's heart breaking to sit by as the two of you start going your separate ways. If you don't want that to happen then do something about it. Pull it together to help save marriage.
Chill out:
Take a moment to catch your breath and step back from the situation. Not necessarily take a break from it but to just calm down. It is easy for things to get over-heated. Take a moment to catch your breath and give it a moment to cool off. When you were young you were probably told to count to 10 when you got angry so that you could give yourself a chance to get yourself under control.
The same principle applies here. Before you do anything else, take a breath. The next time something is said to you that makes you mad, calm down, get a hold of yourself and then let go of your anger. Only then can you truly learn how to communicate and take the next step to help save marriage.
Understand what is happening:
While you are “chilling out” and taking a moment to breathe, take a look at what is happening. This is where you try and look at the big picture and then look at things from other perspectives. From where you are standing at the moment things may look pretty bad. Try to look at it from other perspectives and it might not be as bad as you thought.
Try looking at it from an outsiders perspective and from the one you love. From those other perspectives you might find out why things have been getting out of control. There may be a relatively simple solution to help save marriage.
Laugh at yourselves:
This doesn't mean to make light of the situation but it does mean don't take yourselves so seriously. It is easy to make mountains out of mole hills. Things snowball out of control but when you are able to see what it was that actually made the snowball you may end up laughing at it.
It can be hilarious to find out how a minuscule thing can turn into something so huge when it didn't have to. It can be hilarious if you are willing to let it be. Many times when people go through a rough time they will say, “Sometime we are going to look back at this and laugh!” Why wait?
Look for ways to improve:
Once you have had a chance to step back and catch your breath and then been able to get some perspective on the situation, you can move on. When you have realized that at it's root, this situation or problems that you have been struggling with is really small and manageable you can get things on track.
The next thing that you need to do is commit yourself to finding a way to improve. If you are responsible for the little things that get blown out of proportion, then try stopping it. If you have learned that you overreact, then stop it. Improve the way you handle situations and everything else may just fall into place to help save marriage.
To help save marriage, PULL together and bring back what belongs together...the two of you.
Chill out:
Take a moment to catch your breath and step back from the situation. Not necessarily take a break from it but to just calm down. It is easy for things to get over-heated. Take a moment to catch your breath and give it a moment to cool off. When you were young you were probably told to count to 10 when you got angry so that you could give yourself a chance to get yourself under control.
The same principle applies here. Before you do anything else, take a breath. The next time something is said to you that makes you mad, calm down, get a hold of yourself and then let go of your anger. Only then can you truly learn how to communicate and take the next step to help save marriage.
Understand what is happening:
While you are “chilling out” and taking a moment to breathe, take a look at what is happening. This is where you try and look at the big picture and then look at things from other perspectives. From where you are standing at the moment things may look pretty bad. Try to look at it from other perspectives and it might not be as bad as you thought.
Try looking at it from an outsiders perspective and from the one you love. From those other perspectives you might find out why things have been getting out of control. There may be a relatively simple solution to help save marriage.
Laugh at yourselves:
This doesn't mean to make light of the situation but it does mean don't take yourselves so seriously. It is easy to make mountains out of mole hills. Things snowball out of control but when you are able to see what it was that actually made the snowball you may end up laughing at it.
It can be hilarious to find out how a minuscule thing can turn into something so huge when it didn't have to. It can be hilarious if you are willing to let it be. Many times when people go through a rough time they will say, “Sometime we are going to look back at this and laugh!” Why wait?
Look for ways to improve:
Once you have had a chance to step back and catch your breath and then been able to get some perspective on the situation, you can move on. When you have realized that at it's root, this situation or problems that you have been struggling with is really small and manageable you can get things on track.
The next thing that you need to do is commit yourself to finding a way to improve. If you are responsible for the little things that get blown out of proportion, then try stopping it. If you have learned that you overreact, then stop it. Improve the way you handle situations and everything else may just fall into place to help save marriage.
To help save marriage, PULL together and bring back what belongs together...the two of you.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I Want My Husband Back - 5 Helpful Tips
“I want my husband back” is the cry of many women who have seen their marriage start to crumble. It happens often times quietly and slowly and before you know it the marriage looks like it is coming to an end. If you aren't willing to let your marriage die, if you aren't willing to let it fall apart right before your very eyes, then do something about it. Here are some things that can help you get that love back when "I want my husband back."
1.Realize that it wasn't just you and it wasn't just him. It was the both of you. If you are willing to make changes in the way you approach the marriage, your husband might be willing to. Some of it comes down to the way you look at the situation.
2.Realize that it wasn't all one person who is at fault. “It takes two to tango” the saying goes. The same thing is true in any relationship. It isn't just one person that makes it work and it isn't just one person that causes it to fall apart. Don't put all of the weight on your shoulders and don't put it all on your husband's. Pull your weight and encourage him by example to pull his own in trying to make things right.
3.Start with where you are in life and see where you are in life. Look at what it is that makes you happy and drives you. Look for the same thing with your husband. Try to find common ground. If there is love there, you will find that common ground.
4.Once you have found that common ground, try to find some way to use that to your advantage. If there is something that brings the two of you joy, try to find some way for the two of you to experience it together. Let it seem like a spontaneous thought and try to make it seem like it is his idea. Try and generate some excitement about it. Don't go over board with the excitement, though.
5.When you are doing the things that the both of you love, let him know how special you think he is and how much you appreciate him. Let him know that you miss what you used to have. Let him know how you feel. It is easier to have those feelings reciprocated when you are both having fun doing something you love. Don't be afraid to tell him, "I want my husband back." You may just find out he wants the same thing.
You have to know that it may not be possible to get back the relationship to the level it was when it was at it's peak. Just because "I want my husband back" doesn't mean that it is the best thing to get it back to the way that it was. You should believe, though, that what you saw as the high point of your relationship doesn't have to be the all time high point. The best in life is still to come if you are willing to do the work that you need to do. Tell yourself, "I want my husband back, but I want the relationship back stronger than ever" and then work to make it happen.
1.Realize that it wasn't just you and it wasn't just him. It was the both of you. If you are willing to make changes in the way you approach the marriage, your husband might be willing to. Some of it comes down to the way you look at the situation.
2.Realize that it wasn't all one person who is at fault. “It takes two to tango” the saying goes. The same thing is true in any relationship. It isn't just one person that makes it work and it isn't just one person that causes it to fall apart. Don't put all of the weight on your shoulders and don't put it all on your husband's. Pull your weight and encourage him by example to pull his own in trying to make things right.
3.Start with where you are in life and see where you are in life. Look at what it is that makes you happy and drives you. Look for the same thing with your husband. Try to find common ground. If there is love there, you will find that common ground.
4.Once you have found that common ground, try to find some way to use that to your advantage. If there is something that brings the two of you joy, try to find some way for the two of you to experience it together. Let it seem like a spontaneous thought and try to make it seem like it is his idea. Try and generate some excitement about it. Don't go over board with the excitement, though.
5.When you are doing the things that the both of you love, let him know how special you think he is and how much you appreciate him. Let him know that you miss what you used to have. Let him know how you feel. It is easier to have those feelings reciprocated when you are both having fun doing something you love. Don't be afraid to tell him, "I want my husband back." You may just find out he wants the same thing.
You have to know that it may not be possible to get back the relationship to the level it was when it was at it's peak. Just because "I want my husband back" doesn't mean that it is the best thing to get it back to the way that it was. You should believe, though, that what you saw as the high point of your relationship doesn't have to be the all time high point. The best in life is still to come if you are willing to do the work that you need to do. Tell yourself, "I want my husband back, but I want the relationship back stronger than ever" and then work to make it happen.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Getting CPR For Marriage In Crisis
A marriage in crisis is difficult to handle as it seems that what was once full of life is now suffering and on the brink of dying. When you are dating, new love seems to have a life of it's own. Everything being so new feels like a new life has begun has the two of you have started a “new life” together.
When you get married, it seems like everything just falls into place and everything makes sense. When times get tough, though, and and the marriage begins to struggle it can seem like the new life is starting to get old and may die out. If you aren't ready for your life together to die, your marriage in crisis may need to get C.P.R.
Get Counseling:
One of the most underutilized and overlooked opportunities for a marriage in crisis is getting marriage counseling. Marriage counseling will go a long ways towards helping you not only find resolution to your conflicts but will help the two of you find ways to grow closer together. Marriage counseling will help you be better able to understand each other.
Marriage counseling will also help you find better ways to express yourself in such a way that you don't come across as attacking each other. It could very well be, though, that one of you has some serious issues that is putting your love and relationship at risk. For those issues you may want to get therapy on your own. It may be hard to do because you will have to swallow your pride but if you are serious about saving the marriage in crisis, you will want and need to do this.
Get Perspective:
For a marriage in crisis, one of the most important thing that needs to be done is to get some perspective on what is happening. This is one area that a marriage counselor will be helpful because it will help you to look at things and situations from other perspective.
From where you are standing things may look pretty clear. However, once you are able to see from another angle, things that you couldn't understand before may make a lot of sense. Getting perspectives from other angles and vantage points will really be helpful in helping you fully understand what is happening so that you can then save the marriage in crisis.
Get Resolve:
Once you have been able to get some perspective on the crisis at hand and are getting counseling, you will have a lot of information and ideas to go off of. Those will help repair the damage that is done IF you are able to act on it. Knowing is half the battle but no battle half fought was ever won.
If you see a drowning person and you not only know how to swim but know CPR and are trained in first aid, you may know everything you need to know to help save that person's life. Will that knowledge save them? Only if it is acted upon.
The same thing is true with your marriage. It just takes you acting upon it and getting resolved the issues that were killing your marriage. A marriage in crisis can only be saved if you act to make things better.
When you get married, it seems like everything just falls into place and everything makes sense. When times get tough, though, and and the marriage begins to struggle it can seem like the new life is starting to get old and may die out. If you aren't ready for your life together to die, your marriage in crisis may need to get C.P.R.
Get Counseling:
One of the most underutilized and overlooked opportunities for a marriage in crisis is getting marriage counseling. Marriage counseling will go a long ways towards helping you not only find resolution to your conflicts but will help the two of you find ways to grow closer together. Marriage counseling will help you be better able to understand each other.
Marriage counseling will also help you find better ways to express yourself in such a way that you don't come across as attacking each other. It could very well be, though, that one of you has some serious issues that is putting your love and relationship at risk. For those issues you may want to get therapy on your own. It may be hard to do because you will have to swallow your pride but if you are serious about saving the marriage in crisis, you will want and need to do this.
Get Perspective:
For a marriage in crisis, one of the most important thing that needs to be done is to get some perspective on what is happening. This is one area that a marriage counselor will be helpful because it will help you to look at things and situations from other perspective.
From where you are standing things may look pretty clear. However, once you are able to see from another angle, things that you couldn't understand before may make a lot of sense. Getting perspectives from other angles and vantage points will really be helpful in helping you fully understand what is happening so that you can then save the marriage in crisis.
Get Resolve:
Once you have been able to get some perspective on the crisis at hand and are getting counseling, you will have a lot of information and ideas to go off of. Those will help repair the damage that is done IF you are able to act on it. Knowing is half the battle but no battle half fought was ever won.
If you see a drowning person and you not only know how to swim but know CPR and are trained in first aid, you may know everything you need to know to help save that person's life. Will that knowledge save them? Only if it is acted upon.
The same thing is true with your marriage. It just takes you acting upon it and getting resolved the issues that were killing your marriage. A marriage in crisis can only be saved if you act to make things better.
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